CAST
The Ministers: Ken and Carla Selfridge
The Bride: cat
yronwode
The Groom: tyagi
nagasiva The Flower Girl & Ring-Bearer: Ariel
The Daughter of the Bride: Althaea
yronwode
The Dependent of the Groom: Eris, Doggess of Discord
Witnesses for the Defense: D.J. and Heather
At the pre-nuptial party Cat wears a necklace of Thai penis amulets;
Ariel relaxes with her uncle nagasiva (Ariel's flowers by June);
Althaea receives her corsage as the Wedding is about to begin.
CEREMONIAL MOVEMENTS
1. Places, Everyone
1. Places, Everyone
2. The Wedding March
3. The Reading of the Rights
4. We are Gathered Together
5. The Vows
6. The Rings
7. The Couple Kiss
8. The Kissing Moment (Midnight)
9. Auld Lang Syne
10. Departure of the Newlyweds
(Sword Arch with Beans and Rice)
11. A Loving Cup
(The Marital Reception Toast)
12. The Cake Cutting
13. The Verdict
(music) "Chapel of Love" by the Dixie Cups
Ushers present the Guests with gilded saucers containing white Bride-and-Groom candles. The Flower Girl provides matches from her flower-basket and assists Guests to light their candles.
2. The Wedding March June, Mark, and Laura hold their candles and dance to the Dixie Cups.
(music) Mendelssohn's "Wedding March"
The Ring Bearer carries in the Rings; nagasiva is accompanied to place by Eris; catherine, guided by Althaea, approaches the altar; and Althaea releases Eris, who then begins to wander amongst the celebrants spreading good cheer.
3. The Reading of the Rights
Ken the Minister, Eris the Doggess, nagasiva the Groom, and
Heather, one of the Witnessnes for the Defense, take their places. The
Groom wears a hooded black, red, and purple faux-primitive
pseudo-woollen shamanic robe bordered with archaeo-Nordic
geometrics woven along the bottom and a circular Chinese dragon
on the back. His beard is plaited in nine scorpionic braids
terminating in silver jingle-bells
and he carries a wintry
scepter-bouquet of curly willow twigs and black silk flowers
(hair by catherine; flowers by June). Eris' retro-fluff coiffure by
Shampoodle of Santa Rosa; her classic black nylon leash and
steel choke-collar by Frizelle-Enos Feed Store
of Sebastopol.
The Ministers read the Bride and Groom their Miranda Rights.
(Ministers of the Law, Ken and Carla:)
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used
against you in a court of law.
You have the right to talk to an attorney
before answering any questions.
You have the right to have your attorney
present during the questioning.
If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be
appointed for you without cost, before or
during questioning, if you desire.
Do you understand these rights?
(catherine & nagasiva, in unison)
We do.
Ministers call upon Heather and D.J., the Witnesses for the Defense, to sign the appropriate spaces in the Marriage License.
(The Ministers:)
Will the Witnesses approach the bench.
Sign here, and here.
(Ministers:)
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
in the sight of gods, spirits, ghosts, demons,
fishes, puppies, and kitties to witness the
giving and receiving of the marriage vows of
catherine and nagasiva.
(The Ministers speak briefly about Marriage, in their own words and from their own experience)
5. The Vows
Ken explains what his Marriage to Carla means to him.
(Ken to nagasiva:)
nagasiva, do you take this woman catherine
to be your lawfully wedded wife, the living
embodiment of Kali, the Final Prophet, and
the Wish-Fulfilling Quim, to have and to
hold, in sickness and in health, for richer
or for poorer, to stand with her in the face
of adversity and bask together with her in
the light of good fortune?
(nagasiva:)
I do.
Ken reads the Vows to nagasiva as catherine looks on; her dress is
a black rayon post-hippie
tie-back frock with embroidered velvet inserts and she wears
a crown-like tribal Thai wedding headdress of embossed
aluminum panels surmounting a black cloth cap appliqued with
dozens of silver balls, cowrie shells, and red legume seeds,
and finished with multiple strings of Job's tears seeds,
aluminum dangles, and red feathers; her bouquet contains
roses, alstroemeria, bells of Ireland, felicia, and baby's
breath against a backdrop of ferns (flowers by June).
(Carla to catherine:)
catherine, do you take this man nagasiva
to be your lawfully wedded husband, the
living embodiment of Siva, the Chosen One,
and the Wonder -Working Phallus, to have
and to hold, in sickness and in health, for
richer or for poorer, to stand with him in
the face of adversity and bask together
with him in the light of good fortune?
(catherine:)
I do.
6. The Rings
Ariel brings forth the Rings and presents the yellow-gold Ring to nagasiva
(Ken:)
nagasiva, take this ring, and place it
on your bride's finger, and state your
pledge to her, repeating after me:
With this ring,
(nagasiva:)
With this ring,
(Ken:)
I thee wed,
(nagasiva:)
I thee wed,
(Ken:)
a sign of my constant faith,
(nagasiva:)
a sign of my constant faith,
(Ken:)
and abiding love.
(nagasiva:)
and abiding love.
Ken and Ariel stand by as catherine prepares to place the Ring on nagasiva's finger. As can be seen, the Couple
is already fairly heavily invested with Rings; also visible
in this picture are the Bride's silver and mother-of pearl Sun-and-Moon motif
engagement ring (symbolizing the astrological link between
her Sun and nagasiva's Moon, which are conjunct in the sign of Taurus)
and her primitive silver Nepalese lapis lazuli and red coral ring
and the Groom's Nepalese turquoise ring and his blue glass All-Seeing Eye ring (an apotropaic charm
against the evil eye).
Ariel presents the white-gold Ring to catherine.
(Carla:)
catherine, take this ring, and place it
on your groom's finger, and state your
pledge to him, repeating after me:
With this ring,
(catherine:)
With this ring,
(Carla:)
I thee wed,
(catherine:)
I thee wed,
(Carla:)
a sign of my constant faith,
(catherine:)
a sign of my constant faith,
(Carla:)
and abiding love.
(catherine:)
and abiding love.
(Ken and Carla in unison and carefully timed!:)
By the authority vested in us by the State
Having collaborated on the writing of the ceremony, the
Bride and Groom know what is coming next and they can scarcely
restrain themselves as the moment of State Approval and
Odometer Shuffling approaches.
7. The Couple Kiss
of California, we now pronounce you husband
and wife. May your affectionate kiss spread
throughout the world as the Great Odometer
in the Sky shuffles off the last of 1999!
Catherine and nagasiva start the kiss
JUST BEFORE midnight.
8. The Kissing Moment (Midnight)Carla ad Ken read the Pronouncement as nagasiva and
catherine commence kissing; fireworks are
heard to explode as the False Millennium is celebrated by the populace
of Milpitas.
MIDNIGHT IS SOUNDED
General excitement and hugging and stuff.
LIGHTS GO OUT AT THE STROKE OF 12:00!
9. Auld Lang Syne
White Bride-and-Groom candles provide the only light.
(music) The Ministers Incite the Singing of the Song, a capella, by the Guests, the Bride and the Groom
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And days of auld lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We'll take a cup of kindness yet
For auld lang syne
10. Departure of the Newlyweds (Sword Arch with Beans and Rice)
The Flower Girl and Usher hand out muslin bags of White Rice
and Red Beans as June leads
the Auld Lang Syne Singing Sword-Bearers -- Rory, Ellen,
Laura, Althaea, and Ariel -- to form an arch outside the
Chapel of Love. The rest of the singing horde tromps after
the Sword-Bearers while the Newlyweds ready themselves for
departure. The Ministers gently herd the Doggess and other
stragglers out of the Chapel.
Catherine and nagasiva proceed
outside through the Sword Arch.
The White Rice and Red Beans are packaged in small muslin bags and bear the following informative legend:
WHITE RICE is a traditional offering to couples who are
being married. Rice symbolizes a full larder and enhances
the wedded couple's potential for fertility, both physical
and spiritual. Contrary to urban legend, uncooked rice is
not harmful to wild birds, but is a good source of the
carbohydrates they need to keep warm on cold winter nights.
RED BEANS
are a traditional symbol of good luck and prosperity for the
New Year. In Japan, priests in rural Shinto and Kami temples
clap their hands and bow three times, then throw handfuls of
uncooked red beans onto their parishioners on New Years' Day
to ensure prosperity in the coming months. In Northern
Europe and America edible beans of various types form the
basis of cooked dishes like Hopping John that are served at
New Years' Eve celebrations such as Hoggamany or First
Footing.
Holly pelts The Newlyweds with White Rice and Red Beans, symbols
of a happy marriage and a happy New Year.
The crowd shifts inside, initiating and/or
continuing toasts to the New Year, statements
of resolutions, etc. as the Happy Couple
embarks on a journey in the dark, processing
around the building.
11. A Loving Cup (The Marital Reception Toast)
The Newlyweds eventually arrive at the Front Door, where
they ring the bell and are admitted by Valerie, who offers
them a very large chalice of champagne.
In a scene adapted from Tod Browning's film "Freaks, " all the Married Couples who are present accept the Bride and Groom as a Wedded Pair, Ken and Carla Selfridge and June and Valerie Delane accept catherine as their sister-in-law, Ariel accepts catherine as her Aunt, and Althaea Yronwode accepts the former tyagi nagasiva as nagasiva bryan w yronwode, The Fourth Singing Yronwode.
(June and Valerie, holding up the chalice of champagne, proclaim in unison:)
We'll make them one of us!
A loving cup!
A loving cup!
As Valerie and June drink from the Loving Cup, Althaea leads the guests to begin the chanting:
We accept them -- one of us!
We accept them -- one of us!
The Loving Cup is passed among the guests as they continue to chant and drink:
Gooble Gobble!
Gooble Gobble!
We accept them!
We accept them!
Gooble Gobble!
Gooble Gobble!
One of us!
One of us!
June presents the Loving Cup to her Grandfather Tate; Ken R.
(one of The Three Kens at the wedding) stands in the
background.
The above two verses are chanted over and over until all the guests have drunk from the chalice, then it is passed to the Happy Couple, who attempt to finish it off as a general cheer seals the moment.
12. The Cake Cutting
Relative body size and genetic differences in the way people of various
ethnicities metabolize alcohol help determine how much
champagne any given
Newlywed will likely consume; 5'3" Ashkenazy-Jewish catherine gamely imbibes a single ceremonial
sip; 6'4" Anglo-Norwegian nagasiva enjoys prolonged quaffing.
When the toasting and speeches and what-not die down, catherine and nagasiva join forces to slice the Cake and eat thereof.
The Cake in its chocolate-raspberry glory, surmounted by a painted terracotta Bride and Groom statuette from Bolivia; fountain and flowers by Marge;
Catherine and nagasiva cut the Cake with the Family Ceremonial Silver Cake-Cutting Knife, which has been sanctified by use at the Weddings of Marge and Ken, June and Bryan, and June and Valerie;
The Newlyweds daintily feed each other small morsels as Ken P. (one of The Three Kens), videotapes them.
13. The Verdict
AND THEY ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER
copyright © 1995-2003 catherine yronwode and nagasiva yronwode. All rights reserved.
Send your comments to: cat yronwode.
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OTHER SITES
If you want to find out more about
nagasiva
yronwode, you can
check out his pages on these subjects of interest:
Neo-Tantra:
a sex magic taxonomy
A Practical Guide to Suicide:
a controversial document about the best ways to terminate one's life
Satanservice.org:
a web site about the history and practice of Satanism
Satanism FAQ:
Frequently Asked Questions about Satanism
Buddhism:
avidyana buddhism
Ignorance:
ignorance
Superstition:
superstition, hogwash, etc.
